“Why does this song keep rolling through my head?” Daddy wondered as he came home from Men’s Seminar a few weeks ago. He didn’t know but he decided to enjoy it. The verses of this hymn are worth a lot.

How firm a foundation, ye saints of the Lord, Is laid for your faith in His excellent Word! What more can He say than to you He hath said, To you who for refuge, To you who for refuge, To you who for refuge to Jesus have fled?

Fear not I am with thee, O be not dismayed; For I am thy God, and will still give thee aid; I’ll strengthen thee help thee, and cause thee to stand, Upheld by My righteous, Upheld by My righteous, Upheld by my righteous omnipotent hand.

When through the deep waters I call thee to go, the rivers of sorrow shall not overflow;  For I will be with thee, thy troubles to bless, And sanctify to thee, and sanctify to thee, and sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.

When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie, My grace all sufficient shall be thy supply; The flame shall not hurt thee: I only design Thy dross to consume, Thy dross to consume, Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine.

The soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose, I will not, I will not desert to his foes; That soul, though all hell should endeavour to shake, I’ll never, no never, I’ll never no never, I’ll never, no never, no never forsake.

(E. F. Miller)

‘ “Why?” “Why us? We’re the perfect family.” “Why now?” ‘ Questions like these and others found their way into my diary. I realized that I was already letting the seed of bitterness take root. Even after this realization, the “why’s” didn’t get answers. I still do not know why God has let Mama have cancer but I do know that He doesn’t make mistakes. I started trusting God and His Will and I got perfect peace. It was so great that I couldn’t sleep. I had to write about it.

‘ “And the peace of God which passes all understanding shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

“When Peace Like a River” what a blessed state. My heart is overfull. God is so near. This peace is so great, it almost feels wrong. Shouldn’t I be worried? I mean, this is serious. Why am I so calm? Thank you Lord for Your Peace and Your Nearness.’

I read Daily Light for my devotions and after the diagnosis, almost every entry was for me.

Proverbs 3:5,6 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. in all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths. Trust in Hm at all times; ye people, pour out your hear before Him: God is a refuge for us.

Psalm 55:22-Isaiah 53:4 Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and He shall sustain thee.–Surely He hath borne our griefs and carried our sorrows.

There were many more and I was very blessed, especially as I had been missing ‘life’ in my devotional life.

Now we know (at least partly) why this song came to Daddy. If you have time, read it over again. It’s such a blessing and a comfort.

True, melanoma cancer wouldn’t have been our choice. But what would be? I had been sensing that a hardship was probably on our doorstep. I was praying that we as a family would draw closer to God and I realized that it would probably mean something difficult. As you look at the lives of godly people that you have respect for, what do you see in their history? Blue skies, green pastures? More likely it was the Valley of the Shadow of Death. This thought frightens me. I’m human, I don’t want hardship. I want an easy life. But I also do not want a shallow Christian life. What kind of sift/funnel am I holding between me and God? “God, I really do want to be like You, but please, don’t use __________.” Am I placing God in a box, limiting His ability to transform me by His Almighty Power? If I do this, I also limit the amount of Grace God can pour into me. Now this sounds complicated and scary. However, all I need to do is to be willing to be obedient and accept God’s will for my life.

I don’t know what the future will bring. Sickness? Death? Or Healing? Health? This is all unknown but I do know that God is on the throne and that He holds the future in His hand. In fact, He knew before the creation of the world that our dear Mama would be affected by melanoma skin cancer. Should I not, then, trust Him completely and totally?

Written from Yesenia’s Perspective.

P.S. If you have the book, Angels Over Waslala read the chapter “Under the Shadow of the Almighty” replacing the word ‘robbers’ with the word ‘cancer’. That expresses my heart.